Monty.

Monty Chris: a whistler.

He towed a Monte Cristo tome to home.

Monty Chris towed Monte Cristo!

–to the bistro, whistling.

The Thistle Bistro.

And–

Monty Chris, he owns two pistols.

Each a crystal pistol

Crafted to sequester kestrels.

So:

Monty Chris towed Monte Cristo, whistling, toting to The Thistle Bistro crystal pistols.

Skedaddle kestrels!