Liza Minelli’s first name is said wrong.
The long Ī’s a ruinous, clumsy diphthong.
But Liza’s—like Pisa’s name—soars like a tower
And leaningly swages with love and with power.
For the Bride’s Name
Avunculus Unwed
My uncle gives me pause, a scare:
He frets to stare at Fred Astaire.
Miss Haze’s Talent
Humbert.
“Hum.”
Hum’s humble Haze’s home.
A waif is here
Who has high hems
And hame-like nettings
Down her gams.
Hum hums.
Hum hums hymns to her.
Hum hums inside himself.
Horrific Hum
Wants to make
Her do his own name’s
Homonym.
Clemency Maintained
Clement grew potent, got caught in the moment.
He swelled out his monument—started to foment—
As Ms. Clement donned an erotical garment.
He: “Quotients of marriage are my just emolument.
“My seeds need to vomit a certain emollient.”
She: “Don’t froth so, dear—for me it’s a condiment.”
Indian Forgetfulness
When young Gandhi sought his cap,
Did he say, “My hat, ma”?
Brief Brevet
Is it true
That Paul let
A woman touch
His epaulet?
Hircine Fact of Life
It can’t be denied that Cy’s goat
Was actually once just a zygote.
Antiseptic Pervert
It turns out that Louis Pasteur
Was, psychically, less than all pure.
A room he’d secure
With a hidden peep viewer:
Old Louis was quite the voyeur!
True Scots
Empirically writing, John Locke
Philosophized next to a loch.
The loch was Loch Lomand:
All Gaelic—not Norman’d,
So John Locke’s loch book was a lock.
Mispronouncing Dogs
My dad and I, we have a way
Of complicating words we say.
To you “percale” is our “purr-COL-lee.”
Excuse us once, just once per collie.
