Middle Earth Antagonists

Saruman and Sauron


Sad Ron.

Sorrowin’ Ron.

Saruman saw Ron, sorrowing.

Ron saw Saruman see his sorrow.

Says Saruman: “See Sauron, man.

“Saruman is not the man for sorrow, Ron.”

Ron ran.

Ron ran to Sauron.

Sauron’s eye saw Ron run.

Sauron’s eye stunned running Ron.

No more sorrow, Ron!

Native American Hero



Mr. Tory Terry.

Tory Terry’s tribal.

And the tribal river? Terry!

The Terry River.

Tory Terry traipses on its tributary.

The Terry Tributary.


Tory Terry triumphed!



Try to traipse to the tribal tribute at Terry Tributary to honor Tory Terry’s triumph.

Ware Wear

Reminder: Always speak my verse aloud.

wire - vintage


Howe’s Wires.

Howe’s Wires: wire ware!

Rare wire ware.


Where’s Howe’s?

Here’s where Howe’s is:

Howser’s Warehouse is where Howe’s Wires is.

(Howser’s Warehouse also houses

(Mausers, hawsers, howitzers—whereas Howe’s Wires

(Houses rare wire ware where they are.)


How’s Howser’s?

How’s Howe’s?

How’s Howser’s warehousing?

How’s Howe’s wire housings?

How rare are Howe’s rare wire wares?

Wherefore care we?


Ominous Caffeine



“Cathay Cafe.”

Cathy’s Cathay Cafe.


How do you do?
One or two?

(One will do.)
What we do is
You choose chairs:
Basket shape or casket shape?


Geffin (guest), casket-sat, coughin’.

Right on Cathy’s Cathay Cafe’s coffin!

Geffin often sat, coughin’, sippin’ coffee—

Toffee-filtered coffee!


Geffin, guest, sat coffin-coughin’, feting toffee coffee in Cathy’s Cathay Cafe.

Burger König


Burgess. Johannes Burgess.

Burgess: a burgher

In Hamburg, no less!

Johannes Burgess, Hamburg burgher.

Burgher Burgess’ Hamburg hamburger.

Hamburger: largest.

Johannes’s largesse.

Largest Hamburg burgher ’burger!

Hamburg’s burglars!

Barge on buglers, burgle bugles!

Finesse it, burgher Burgess, with Johannes-largesse!


Hamburg’s buglers, bugle-burgled, urge Johannes (burgher) Burgess, “Lease us largesse: Johannes’ finest, largest Hamburg burger.”

Shifty Fish Wish List

fishDid you give a herring her ring?

Beguile a bluegill?

Surge on a sturgeon?

Park a carp?

You shoulda’ had a shad.

Did you winnow a minnow?

Pick a pike?

Eye well a walleye?

Did you preach a perch?

Argue–or agree–a gar?

Rout a trout?

¡No mas salmon!

Did you tune a tuna?

(A cartoon tuna:

Did you tune a tuna ‘toon?)

Skewer a sucker?

Lean on an eel?

Cinch a conch?

Grip a grouper?

Shirk a shark?

Did you catch a lot of cachelot?


Leftist Rites

Eric Holder

Eric Holder.

Are you cold?

Holder’s colder.

Right wing rights get his cold shoulder.


Bolder, Holder!

Use a boulder:



“I arrest rights.

“I arrest right.

“I arrest a rightist’s rights.

“That’s my rite.

“My right rite.”



A bolder, colder Eric Holder

Lifts, aright, his own left shoulder

At the rites of right wing rights–

The one rite left for which he fights.

Lois Lerner


Lois Lerner.

Learn ‘er, Lois!

Low is Lois.


Tea Party.

Non-profit? “Tardy.

Trap tea party tardy!”


Libs: our ills, uber alles.

Liber-ills bill our ills.

Bilious bills instill all ills.


Fifth Amendment? Own it!

Fifth Commandment? Do it!

Self-incriminate? “Invocate!”

Tea Party: “Eliminate!”

Roman Fury


Atticus. A test.

Atticus at a test.

Atticus attests.

Atticus attests at a test.

He tests and attests and he cusses.

“Curséd test!” he attests.

He cusses at tests.

Atticus curse-cusses, attesting at tests.

Atticus rests. Policeman arrests.

Arrest him he must:

Lest cursed Atticus, at rest, attest post-test curses.

Atticus gun

Note: as always with my material, you aren’t getting the effect if you don’t say the words aloud.